The token social pariah.
I feel like I have nowhere to turn. I'm at school in a city foreign to me. With people foreign to me. I was so content right when I got here that I settled into a group of friends that I thought I liked. Well...I don't really think I like them all that much. I'm so sick of trying. So sick of getting to know people...it is literally tedious. I want the comfort of real friends so badly it hurts. Im tired of crying on the phone to my mom. I just want my life back. The one where I had great friends and great adventures.
College would be so great given some friends to share it with. I am so isolated, sure I have "friends"here but not really...I consider them more as people whom I tag along with their fun. They all love each other but I just don't fit into their picture. I want to go home so bad. Being home last week was the best weekend I've had in college. I need breathing room. I need alone time. I need to be with people who actually understand me. I'm so over this whole USF experience. I want to transfer to bigger and better places. Meet better people. Have fun again. I've lived so long in this constant state of shyness that I don't know how be myself anymore.
I've prayed and prayed, I hope this "adjustment period" my mom keeps talking about ends NOW. Because something needs to change.
